mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
