she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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