Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
