College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
