video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
