I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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