Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
