Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
