Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
