She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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