I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
