i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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