yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
