I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just had sex on a roof
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
