3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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