There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
