If that was your dad, he is hot
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i drank out of a bidet.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
