i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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