that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
