Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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