I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
