I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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