On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
