Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
It's rum buckets o'clock
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
