I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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