Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
