So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Randomize
