yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
