The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
