Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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