Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
