he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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