I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
