Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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