I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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