I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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