She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
