I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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