i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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