We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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