Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
