Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
