Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Dear god my vagina.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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