Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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