Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize