i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
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