hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
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