He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
