He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize