We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
