Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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