I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
