Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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