Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize