Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
its liver damage thursday
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
