yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Randomize
