There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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