i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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