tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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