If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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