She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
