dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
