toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
