I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
