So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
