Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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