The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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