On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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