So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
