I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Someone stole a lamp last night.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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