i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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