I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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