the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I think a kid would responsible me up
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
