You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I pour the whiskey from now on
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
