make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
