Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I need to calm my uterus...
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
