I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize