Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
