my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Randomize
