From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You ruined the universe
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
