Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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