I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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