He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
not ubering you a puppy
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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