Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
