I wish I could teleport
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize