I faked an abortion last night.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So much rum. So many feels.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
