My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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