I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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