What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
